Query Letter #2

Ok. This one is shorter, which is better. However I apparently still thought the line, "Secretaries know everything," was a good hook. And never let it be said that I let go of a bad phrase when I have convinced myself it is good. I'm far too stubborn for that. It is still quite long though and not really engaging. Not to mention it's never clear who the main character is anyway. (Hard to be engaging when the reader doesn't know who she's supposed to engage with.) And there are a few (many) cliches in here. The bad kind. The lazy writer kind. Yup. All in all, #2 goes in the bin. Here it is, in all it's awful glory.
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Secretaries know everything. In WWII when the precursor to the CIA, the Office of Strategic Services was created, a top secret sister organization was also started: The Strategic Secretarial Services (SSS). Throughout the Cold War the ladies of the SSS kept America and the world safe. They infiltrated the most dangerous networks, made the most daring rescues, and were an unstoppable force in the intelligence community. Until women's lib. Now all the smart, strong young women want bigger and better careers than being a secretary.

Swan Shreve is a modern, young woman. In the last 6 months she's finished her Ph.D. in American Literature, gotten dumped by her boyfriend and found a job as a secretary to an upper level engineer in a weapons company until her ship--in the form of a tenure track at a nice university--comes in. All she needs to do is survive rude callers and being stalked by the secretary of her old middle school, now retired, who keeps going on about spying. Clearly the woman sniffed a lot of copier fluid. Or so Swan believes until a fellow secretary is gunned down before Swan's eyes.